Act One, Scene One

Lights up on a theater stage. A dozen folding chairs are leaning against a side wall and a pile of jackets, backpacks, purses, general student stuff are in a pile downstage left. 

Sophie, Elaine, and Hannah are upstage center tossing a ball and playing “Zip-Zap-Zup.” Ezra and Alicia are doing yoga. Ezra is ostentatiously inhaling and exhaling. Robin is walking in increasingly larger circles and exaggeratingly enunciating “Susie sells seashells by the seashore.” Scott enters and looks around in confusion- what are these people doing? His eyes linger on Sophie, he is attracted to her. He approaches Ezra. 

Scott: (trying to sound Black) Hey, brotha, is this play practice? 

Ezra (loudly exhaling in his face): Yea, no (meaning, don’t call me that again). 

Scott: Oh, this isn’t the theater? 

Ezra: This is play rehearsal, I am not your brotha. We are warming up. 

Scott: Uh, thanks. (looks around in confusion, sees Ezra go into chaturanga. He drops into pushups next to them, counting in a show-off way so Sophie hears. The other actors subtly peek at him- who is this guy?)

Dr Lahoe walks in rapidly, carrying a handful of highlighters, a large binder with papers half-falling out. She is rushed but confident. Lilly follows her carrying a stack of scripts and her own school bag. Lily is obviously nervous. Scott looks unhappy to see Lilly, when Lily sees him she looks horrified.

Dr Lahoe: Okay, sorry I’m late, the copier is on the fritz again. Grab chairs and sit. 

(Robin, Elaine, Hannah, Alicia, Sophie, and Ezra have done this before- they casually grab  chairs and set them in a semi-circle center stage. Scott catches on and rushes to grab multiple chairs, two in each arm. His arms are too full and he stumbles. Ezra snorts. Scott rushes to put a chair next to Sophie for himself but Lahoe, unaware, sits there. Scott puts down his additional chairs and sits. Lily, seeing no other empty seats, sits beside him. They studiously ignore each other). 

Dr Lahoe: Welcome, cast of Medea. Is everyone here? Yes. Good. Okay, grab a script from Lily and let’s jump in. (Lily passes out scripts, dropping a few in her haste) 

Lilly: Oh my god, sorry, so sorry. 

Dr Lahoe: That’s okay, they won’t break. Okay, congratulations on being cast in Medea, the play humans have loved to hate since 432 BCE. Let’s go around and share our names, pronouns, hometown, brief (looking pointedly at Ezra) theater resume, and what part we are playing. I am Dr Lahoe, call me Dr Lahoe (implying not by my first name), and I am directing this shin-dig. Pronouns are she/her, this is my second play at this fine university.

Robin: Hey, I’m Robin, she/her. I’m from Toronto, Ohio, in the middle of nowhere-

Scott: (without irony) What is that near? 

Robin: Fracking sites? I’m playing Medea, our murderous mommy. I was in The Tempest and Oklahoma last year- 

Hannah (mimicking choreography for Oklahoma): Where the wind goes sweeping down the plain Oklahoma? 

Robin: (does Jazz hands in response)- with most of you weirdos. 

Ezra: Oklahoma, what an interesting choice for right after Ferguson (Longish awkward pause). Anyway, I’m Ezra, he/him. I’m playing Aegeus, King of Athens, the kingdom next door to Medea’s Troy. I’m from the Bronx, in New York City, here as part of the Better Together! Urban Exchange Program. 

Scott: Wait, you left New York City to study theater in Ohio?

Ezra: Yeah. Cultural exchange so you can meet a real life Black person, and I get a full ride- books, board, everything. And it’s so worth it (sarcastic, he makes pointed eye contact with Alicia). I was in all the shows last year and I did a few regional commercials when I was a kid. No, nothing you’ve seen. 

Hannah: I’m Hannah, non-binary, they/them pronouns. Playing the tutor. I’m from Cleveland- actual slogan, “Cleveland is my Paris” 

Robin: How’d they come up with that?

Hannah: (shrugs) They never actually visited Paris? Anyway, I got to intern at a regional theater over the summer and it was awesome, I learned a ton.  

Elaine:  I’m Elaine, I’m from Stubenville, my character is the Messenger. I haven’t done any plays per se but I was in all of my churches’ Fear Hell haunted houses. I was a girl who had an abortion and went to hell, a girl who had premarital sex and went to hell. And when I was younger I played a demon, though not Satan obviously-

(The others look appalled).

Ezra: Wait, why obviously?

Elaine: Satan is male. 

Ezra: Fun times 

Elaine: It’s an important ministry to the community. We are happy to have any of you volunteer next year. (No one says anything or makes eye contact). We get free pizza and pop every night! (awkward pause, still no one speaks or looks at her). Umm, I’m playing the nurse.

(Pause). 

Hannah: (gently reminding) And what are your preferred pronouns?

Elaine: No, I don’t have those.

Ezra: But Satan’s got to be male?

Elaine: (to Ezra) What does that have to do with pronouns? 

Lily: (overlapping with Robin and Lily) So some people have boy parts but inside are female-

Robin: So in this safe space we honor the chosen pronouns of our cast family-

Hannah (overlapping with Dr. Lahore) (to Lily)- it’s a little more complicated than that-

Dr Lahoe (jumping in to avert disaster): So in this case we just mean, if I’m talking about you would I say she or he? (Looking at Hannah, remembering). Or them! 

Elaine: She, obviously. I’m a girl. I don’t believe in all that transvestite stuff. 

Ezra: (overlapping with Robin and Hannah) (singing Rocky Horror Picture Show): Just a sweet transvestite- 

Robin: (getting mad) In all what? You-

Dr Lahoe: (overlaps with Robin) So gender and sex-

Hannah: (not wanting to get into it now, loudly) I think it’s Alicia’s turn!

Alcia– Okay? (she checks in with Hannah, Hannah nods) Okay! I’m Alicia, I’m playing the chorus. I’m from the Upper West Side in New York City (gently mocking Ezra), also in the Better Together! Program. This summer I auditioned for a bunch of agents, but no takers. Gotta get better at dancing. (Robin shoots her a sympathetic look, Ezra does jazz hands to make her smile).

Lily: Umm, I’m Lily (looking at her hands). I’m playing the nanny. Ummm (can’t remember question).

Ezra: (in game show host voice) And tell us where you are from, Lilly.

Lily: Umm, I moved a lot. She/her pronouns (she shoots a shy but supportive look at Hannah, who warmly smiles back). I was in a musical at one of my high schools, just a chorus part, but it was really fun. 

Ezra: What show?

Lily: Oh, um “Footloose.”

Sophie: (in a very serious voice) I gotta, gotta (pause) gotta – cut loose- 

Sophie, Hannah, and Ezra: (loudly) Footloose!

Hannah: (singing) Kick off those Sunday shoes! 

Ezra, Alicia, Sophie, Hannah– (up, dancing raucously, singing) Please, Louise-

Dr Lahoe: Order in the court! Come on theater nerds, reign it in a sec. Two more introductions (she looks at Scott). 

Scott: Hey, I’m Scott, I’m from Circleville. I’m Jason in this, I guess? I played starting offensive line in high school- we made it to state quarter finals, but I tore my meniscus so now I’m in d3 (he realizes they have no idea what he is talking about). Umm, so I’m benched, and coach thinks I’m playing too much Fortnite at the frat house. (With pride) I’m Sigma Chi. So he told me to do this and here I am. 

Robin: Pronouns?

Scott– Yea, sorry (looking at Hannah). I believe in that. It. Pronouns. (Clears throat nervously). He/him, obviously (flexes, shooting a flirty glance at Sophie, who glances pointedly at Hannah). (Quickly correcting)-Or maybe not obviously! (he laughs awkwardly). He/him. First play. 

Dr Lahoe:  And Scott is playing Jason, husband to Medea. 

Sophie: Best for last, ha ha. Sophie from Cincy, playing Creon, king of Corinth, where Medea and her fam live. I’ll be offering a half hour of yoga focused on chakral alignment before every rehearsal so (Elaine interrupts)- we can ground-

Elaine: Dr Lahoe I have a right to a learning space free of satanic-

Dr Lahoe: (overlapping with Ezra and Sophie) OPTIONAL yoga, thank you Sophie.  

Ezra: She really just said satanic? 

Sophie: Yoga is a Hindu practice, the oldest religion in the world, it’s just insulting-

Dr Lahoe: (regaining control) Okay, everybody up! It’s time to play connections. 

The cast stands. Ezra, Alicia, Robin, Sophie and Hannah enthusiastically respond- yea it is! Connections time! Scott, Lily and Elaine look confused. Scott starts stretching like Sophie. Dr Lahoe walks downstage and grabs the foam pool noodles and puts the pile center stage. 

Dr Lahoe: Okay, who is the first person the audience meets in the play Medea?

Robin: (always first with an answer): Lilly!

Lilly: Um, the Nurse?

Dr. Lahoe: Yes! Nurse, (in game show Price is Right voice) come on down!

Dr Lahoe motions for Lily to stand downstage center and hands her a noodle. Lily moves self-consciously. 

Dr. Lahoe: And why is the nurse on stage?

Scott: You just told her to go there-

Dr Lahoe: -what purpose does the nurse serve in the play? 

(Projected shadow puppet images or dancers tell the prequel story as the cast narrates). 

Robin: Big exposition download. It’s the fifth century BCE. In the prequel to the play, Jason and his buddies the Argonauts need to steal the golden fleece, a magic blankie, from the nation of Colchis, so Jason can be king. Medea is currently a princess of Colchis and is busy living that princess life when Jason shows up. Unfortunately she has bad taste in men because she immediately falls in love with this hapless foreign invader. 

Ezra: Jason, having the unearned confidence of every mediocre white man (staring at Scott), screws up his steal-the-golden-fleece mission enough to nearly get himself killed so Medea does all this stuff to save Jason’s life, while messing up hers. She kills her pet (serpent?), and then her own brother so Jason can escape. Jason doesn’t get the fleece but he gets to not die, and he and Medea flee Colchis and settle in Troy, and have a couple . 

Hannah: So Medea is no longer a princess and is a second-class citizen in Troy, because they are all “Make American Great Again” about immigrants. But she’s happy because she’s with Jason and they settle down, have a couple kids, live that minivan life. 

Dr. Lahoe: (reading) “She in word and deed

  Served always Jason. Surely this doth bind,

  Through all ill days, the hurts of humankind,

  When man and woman in one music move.”

Robin: Yea-sounds romantic but now, ten years later, the king of Cornith says, “Hey Jason, marry my daughter and be the next king” and Jason is all, “definitely,” as if he doesn’t already have a wife and kids. 

Lily: “But now the world is angry, and true love sick as with poison.” 

Robin: So the first scene of the play Medea is outside Medea and Jason’s house. The nanny just heard the news- Jason is ditching his wife Medea for a princess- and she is freaking out that Medea will hurt herself, or the kids. Or both. Then the kids come back with their homeschooling tutor, and they are all happy, umm- 

Lily: “Young lives turn ever from gloom.”

Ezra: (overlapping with Lahoe) Look who is off book!

Dr. Lahoe: Nice memorization Lily! So the Tutor enters…  

Hannah: That’s me! With Medea and Jason’s kids. 

Dr Lahoe: (game show voice) Okay, Hannah -join Lily on stage. 

Hannah takes one end of Lily’s pool noodle while Lily holds the other- they are connected. 

Dr Lahoe: So the nanny and the tutor are outside talking about what?

(Dr Lahoe looks at Scott)

Scott: Um, I didn’t know we were supposed to do the reading before our first class. 

Ezra: (Overlapping with Dr Lahoe)(disgusted) This guy…

Dr Lahoe: Always read the script before the first rehearsal. Ezra- (she means Ezra shut up, but he thinks she wants him to answer the question).

Ezra: The nurse (points at Lily) and tutor (points at Hannah) talk about how much it sucks that Jason (claps hand hard on Scott’s shoulder), Medea’s husband (claps other hand, more gently, on Robin’s shoulder, pulls them together, facing the audience like a bride and groom. Alicia flips Robin’s scarf over her face like a bridal veil), is leaving her to marry the princess (he shoves Scott away from Robin, Alicia hums Here Comes the Bride in a ominous way and pulls the scarf off Robin’s face and pulls it around her neck, noose-like), and the nurse says that Medea (Ezra claps his other hand on Robin’s shoulder and shakes her lightly) is inside losing her shit. (Elaine makes a disgusted look at the profanity). 

Dr Lahoe: Exactly correct, sir. And Medea is indeed inside losing her shit, as you so eloquently stated (Elaine’s eyes bug out at a professor using profanity, Dr Lahoe doesn’t notice). But they are overhearing Medea, not talking to her directly, so no pool noodle connection yet. 

Hannah: The tutor tells the nurse that Medea doesn’t even know the latest terrible news. 

“..and nothing in her ears hath sounded yet of her last cause for tears.”

Ezra: Tutor’s got gossip!

Hannah: Medea is not just getting dumped, she and the two sons are being exiled. 

Lily: Nanny says “Jason wouldn’t do that to his boys-”

Hannah: But the tutor knows what is up- 

“Old love burneth low when new love awakes.”

Dr. Lahoe: Then the nanny sets up all the drama to come.

Lily: “I know not how, for ill or well, it turns, this uncontrollable tempestuous spirit, blind with wrong.” 

Sophie: (twirling like a tornado) Medea is the tempest!

Robin: Then Medea is heard inside, doing some Gentle Parenting- 

“Unfathered children, God hate you as I am hated, and him too that gat you..”

Sophie (In Oprah voice- you get a car, and you get a car…) You get a curse (pointing to Robin), and you get a curse (gestures at child height), and your dad- definitely cursed (gestures at Scott, who looks confused and worried). 

Lily: The nanny says, “Why do people want glory? I’d rather have peace.” 

Ezra: Relatable. 

Alicia: (to Ezra). Please- you live for drama.

Hannah: But our nanny isn’t getting glory or peace, because here comes the chorus, played by Alicia-

Dr Lahoe: A new connection!

(Sophie grabs two pool noodles and hands one end of a pool noodle to Lily and the other to Hannah. This makes a triangle with each woman holding two noodle ends)

Dr Lahoe: Okay, students who have completed Intro to Theatre 101- who is the chorus talking to?

Robin: The chorus reflects the emotions of the audience and is in dialogue with them! 

Alicia: In this play, the chorus is specially representing women’s voices, the Trojan women who are watching this tragedy and knowing that in this patriarchal world, this could happen to them. 

Ezra:(singing and moving like James Brown) It’s a man’s world…

Dr Lahoe: Exactly right, ten points for Gryfindor. 

Hannah: Or maybe a reference from a less transphobic writer…

Dr. Lahoe: Yuck, you’re right. Sorry, no more Potter. 

Alicia: (Dancing) The chorus is all, what is all this screaming about? And the nurse tells all. 

Robin: Then Medea, still offstage, is like, “Fine, Gods, I’ll just kill myself-”

Alicia: And the chorus yells, he ain’t worth it, Medea. 

Ezra: (singing Lizzo’s Good as Hell and dancing) “If he don’t love you anymore…”

Robin, Sophie, and Ezra: (singing and dancing) “Walk your fine ass out the door-”

Elaine: (looking skyward) Is this a test? 

Dr Lahoe: (clapping to get their attention) Medea comes out of the house- 

Robin: (Robin grabs a noodle and makes the triangle a square) “The man I love hath proved most evil. Oh, of all things on earth that bleed and grow, an herb most bruised is woman.”

Dr. Lahoe: And after some sexist crap we get some damn fine foreshadowing. (reading)

“I know how full of fears a woman is,

And faint at need, and shrinking from the light

Of battle: but once spoil her of her right

In man’s love, and there moves, I warn thee well,

No bloodier spirit between heaven and hell.”

And then who arrives? (grabs a Burger King crown from the wings and tosses it to Sophie)

Sophie: (in a deep and authoritative king’s voice) I, Creon, King of Corinth. 

Dr Lahoe: Come to converse with-

Robin: Medea!

(Robin leaves the square and pokes Alicia with the end of her noodle, which Sophie grabs)

Sophie: (king voice) I, Creon, King of Corinth, say get the hell outta my country post haste. 

Robin: (Robin pretends to swoon, hand on forehead) No! Why?!

Alicia: (king’s voice) “I fear thee woman- little reason to cloak my reasons.”

Hannah: (singing Ava Max song Sweet But Psycho) “Oh, she’s sweet but she’s psycho, a little bit psycho-”

Sophie, Ezra, Robin, and Alicia: (joining Alicia in singing) “At night she’s singing, na na na, na na na.” 

Sophie: But then Medea drops some universal truth-

Robin: “A wise woman I am! And for that sin ill names would men pen me in.”

Sophie: (in king voice) Not my problem, I arranged for my daughter to marry your husband and you existing is just awkward. 

Robin: But my children!

Sophie: But you might kill me.

Robin (feigning innocence): Promise I won’t, I’m only mad at that rat bastard (points at Scott, mimics that she is going to slit his throat. Scott, not having read the script, is genuinely confused and scared. Sophie sings “a little bit psycho”)

Sophie: (king voice) I don’t believe you, but you are making me feel shitty so you can stay till sunrise tomorrow. Then you and your kids better be far away from this country. 

Dr Lahoe: King Creon leaves and Medea talks to..

Alicia: The chorus! (Alicia grabs the end of Robin’s noodle from Sophie) Babe, you are screwed- (reading and dancing) “God hath hunted thee, Medea, forth to the foam of a trackless sea!” 

Robin: But Medea is thinking, hey, maybe I’ll just like, murder everyone? Burn the house down, or stab them or..oh! Poison! Poison is fun!

Dr Lahoe: Medea prays to Hecate-  who remembers Hecate?

Hannah: Goddess of…. magic? 

Dr. Lahoe: Yes, and hell hounds, and witchcraft- all the good stuff. 

Elaine: (horrified) Get behind me Satan-

Dr Lahoe: (not hearing Elaine) But then Jason enters.

Robin: (quickly joined by Alicia, Hannah, and Ezra) Boooooo. 

(Scott moves uncertainly toward Robin. Alicia hands him the end of Robin’s pool noodle). 

Alicia: Jason says “Medea, now look what you’ve done. It was fine when you were just pissed at me but then you went off on the king, and got yourself exiled.” 

Robin: But Medea is like, excuse me? You left me, fool. 

“’Tis but of all man’s inward sicknesses

The vilest, that he knoweth not of shame

Nor pity!”

Sophie: Medea’s all, let me remind you of this play’s prequel, Jay Z: I killed my pet serpent so you could get the Golden Fleece, and then murdered my own brother to save your life- then fled my beloved homeland to be with you in Corinth. Where I gave you two sons. The heir and the spare. So you screwed this up, not me. 

Alicia: (Singing Beyonce’s song Lemonade and pretending to swing a bat, like in the Lemonade video). She don’t love you like I do…

Dr Lahoe: Jason says Medea has it all wrong- he is marrying the princess because it is good for the kids. The boys will grow up in a palace! 

Alicia: The chorus calls bullshit, and reminds Jason that he is dumping a loyal wife so he can get power. 

Ezra: Jason says, woman, you are crazy. If you chill out I’ll get you some cash and a spot living with one of my dudes abroad. 

Robin: Medea is like, as if I would trust you now. Get outta here. (she gently pokes Scott with the noodle then pulls it away from him) And I hope nothing happens to that virgin bride of yours…

Alicia: Foreshadowing much, Euripedes? The chorus laments: “A woman without a city. Ah, not that! Better the end.”

(Alicia dances, sings Beyonce- “to the left, to the left”- while pushing Scott offstage left and taking the end of Robin’s noodle).

Ezra: Then Aegeus, Athenian King from the city next door, enters (Ezra grabs the crown and puts it on his head, then takes the end of the pool noodle from Alicia. He spreads his legs wide and holds it like it’s his penis). How you doing (sexy, hitting on her).   

Robin: Hey baby, I hear your kingdom is really big. And long. (strokes pool noodle in a sexual way). 

Ezra: It’s just the right size for you, baby- 

(Elaine is horrified, turns to Lahoe like “aren’t you going to stop this? Lahoe, used to their theater kid schtick, has just realized Elaine’s discomfort)

Dr Lahoe: Okay, you two. Aegeus stops by to mention that he doesn’t have any offspring- 

Ezra: (rapping the Jay-Z song 99 Problems) I’ve got 99 problems but an heir ain’t one-

Robin: Maybe I could help you remedy that.

Elaine: That is inappropriate-

Ezra: That’s the Greeks for you, read the script-

Dr Lahoe: Medea tells Aegeus that Jason’s leaving her for a princess, and he is on Medea’s side. He says she can come live in Athens. Maybe do some procreating with him.

Robin: (seductively) I will make of thee

A childless man no more. The seed shall be,

I swear it, sown. 

(Ezra blows Robin a kiss and a sexy wink). 

Robin: But can you promise that no matter what, you will take me in? You know, just in case?

Ezra: Of course, babe, you can trust me. 

Robin: I totally trust you, but just for fun- could you swear on the gods that even if I, just a random example, went on a murder spree, I’m welcome in Athens?

Ezra: K, weird request, but sure…

Robin: Cool. I’ve got some… stuff to do- I’ll come through tomorrow. 

Ezra: (singing Kayne) Go head girl, go head get down…

Alicia: Kayne? Really? 

Dr Lahoe: Better or worse than Rowling?

Hannah: Ouf, I’m not making that call. 

Alicia: The chorus is all, (lasciviously, sexy dancing) “he has a gentle and a righteous heart-”

Robin: But Medea is like, whatever, he’s fine, let’s plan some murder. She has her evil plan all figured out. And before anyone can say, what happened to nice Medea? She reminds everyone that her dastardly deeds started when she heard the Greek Jason’s voice- 

“That was my evil hour, when down the long

Halls of my father out I stole, my will

Chained by a Greek man’s voice, who still, oh, still,

If God yet live, shall all requited be.

For never child of mine shall Jason see

Hereafter living, never child beget

From his new bride, who this day, desolate

Even as she made me desolate, shall die

Shrieking amid my poisons. . . .”

Elaine: If God yet live? 

Ezra: Meaning, if God really existed, there would be justice- Jason would be punished without Medea having to do it. She is taking the law into her own hands. 

Elaine: Oh I don’t like that. Jesus said-

Robin: It’s like 400 years before Jesus was born, so he hasn’t said anything at this point. 

Alicia: The chorus is shocked (Alicia does a shocked-themed interpretive dance).  “Medea, if you kill the fruit your body bore, you will be made most miserable.”

Robin: Pfft. I’m already miserable, so bring it on. 

Lily: Then Medea sends me to get Jason. 

(Robin waves the pool noodle toward Scott, who is off to the side daydreaming. He doesn’t see her).

Ezra: (under a fake cough) Jockstrap! 

Scott: Huh? Oh, yeah. 

(Scott grabs the other end of the pool noodle Robin is holding)

Robin: (to Scott) Baby, I’m so sorry I was being crazy. You know how I get when it’s that time of the month. You were right. “Behold, I spread my sails, and meekly go/ To exile.” 

But our children. . . . Could this land/ Be still their home awhile: could thine own hand/ But guide their boyhood?”

(Everyone looks at Scott, waiting for him to say what Jason does next). 

Scott: (trying to find the right page in the script) Ummm…. 

Robin: Could the kids stay here with you? 

Ezra: (loudly, under his breath). This is why we read the script. 

Sophie: Be nice, he’s new.  

Alicia: (in a deep voice, grabbing Scott’s baseball cap and putting it on, affecting an athletic swagger) Jason says, I’ll glad your tiny lady brain has finally realized that I am right.  

Robin: So Medea says, but darling, (batting eyes innocently) what about the children? 

Alicia: (as Jason) You really pissed off the king, I don’t think he will let the kids stay. 

Robin: Wait! I have a totally spontaneous idea!  Have the kids give the princess this super fancy dress and veil that are absolutely normal, and not at all magically poisoned, to butter her up. Then she will want the kids to stay and convince her dad. 

Ezra: And Jason is real dumb (looks at Scott levelly) so he buys it and takes the kids, the attendant, and the dress to the castle  (he turns Scott away from Robin and gives him a push toward offstage. Elaine follows. Sophie tosses Scott his hat). 

Hannah: And while the audience is thinking, hey, maybe there will be a happy ending after all, sounds like Medea’s going to Athens and the kids will be hanging out in the castle- the chorus brings back cold reality. 

Alicia: (doing interpretive dance) Shit! That dress is poisoned- no going back now. “Lo, babes that call thee from a bloody deep: And thy love returns not. Get thee forth and weep!”

Dr Lahoe: Traffic in route must be light because soon the attendant (gesturing toward Elaine) is back with good news. (gestures towards Elaine to grab Robin’s noodle and share the good news).  

Hannah: Mistress, these children from their banishment/ Are spared. The royal bride hath mildly bent/ Her hand to accept thy gifts, and all is now/ Peace for the children.—Ha, why standest thou/ Confounded, when good fortune draweth near?

Hannah: The tutor is all “Yay! No dead children!” but she doesn’t know about Medea’s evil plans so she is all, (looking at Robin) “ummm, why aren’t you happy?”

Dr Lahoe: The tutor leaves (Hannah takes Elaine’s arm in a friendly way and they go to the side) and Medea laments with the chorus for a while.

(Alicia embraces Robin, comforts her)

Alicia: (Lizzo style) If he don’t love you anymore-

Robin: I’ll walk my fine ass out that door-

Dr Laho: But for a second she reconsiders- does she really want to kill the kids? Then she thinks of her enemies laughing at her and decides, yep, she’s doing it. 

Robin: Oh, darling hand! Oh, darling mouth, and eye,

And royal mien, and bright brave faces clear,

May you be blessèd, but not here! What here

Was yours, your father stole. . . . Ah God, the glow

Of cheek on cheek, the tender touch; and Oh,

Sweet scent of childhood. . . . Go! Go! . . . Am I blind? . . .

Mine eyes can see not, when I look to find

Their places. I am broken by the wings

Of evil. . . . Yea, I know to what bad things

I go, but louder than all thought doth cry

Anger, which maketh man’s worst misery.

Alicia: “I am broken by the wings of evil”- damn. That is a great line. 

Sophie: (singing Taylor Swift) The world moves on but one things’ for sure- baby I got mine but you’ll all get yours…

Hannah: Right? Then the messenger is back with news- Medea’s plot worked- the princess and king are poisoned- but she better get outta town because otherwise she’s dead. 

Hannah: And even though she should be in a rush, Medea wants all the gnarly details about the poisoned dress how the princess couldn’t wait to put it on, and the princess dying in agony and her father trying to help her but then Medea’s poison gets him too, and Medea is living for the drama.

Sophie: (singing Taylor Swift) Oh! Look what you made me do, look what you just made me do.

Alicia: the chorus laments 

“Wrath upon wrath, me seems, this day shall fall

From God on Jason! He hath earned it all.”

Robin: Medea realizes it is time. 

“Women, my mind is clear. I go to slay

My children with all speed, and then, away

From hence; not wait yet longer till they stand

Beneath another and an angrier hand

To die.”

Alicia: Medea heads into the house. And it ain’t pretty. (She makes horror movie stabbing motions) Kids screaming, and the chorus decides to bust in and save them. But it’s too late. Then Jason shows up.  

Scott: Me?

Ezra: You. Jason says, (reading with deep emotion) 

“Ye women by this doorway clustering

Speak, is the doer of the ghastly thing

Yet here, or fled? What hopeth she of flight?

Shall the deep yawn to shield her? Shall the height

Send wings, and hide her in the vaulted sky

To work red murder on her lords, and fly

Unrecompensed? But let her go! My care

Is but to save my children, not for her.

Let them she wronged requite her as they may.

I care not. ‘Tis my sons I must some way

Save, ere the kinsmen of the dead can win

From them the payment of their mother’s sin.”

Hannah: Damn. Go Ezra. 

Robin: Nice! 

Alicia: And the chorus is all, oh- you didn’t hear? Sorry dude, but Medea killed your kids. Look inside. 

Scott: (genuinely shocked) Seriously? Like killed them, killed them? 

Ezra: Didn’t even read the back of the book…

Robin: And then that SOB is like, (imitating Alicia imitating Scott) you are an abomination, I shouldn’t have married you, you killed your own brother. And Medea is like, yea, I killed him because he was going to kill you, jackass. Then- in the most badass exit ever- Medea flies away in a chariot pulled by dragons (mimics a mic drop). Boom. Medea is off to Athens. 

Elaine: And she isn’t even punished (furious). 

Alicia: I mean, her kids are dead and her husband hates her…

Elaine: But she murdered her kids!

Dr. Lahoe: You bring up a good point. This is a play from ancient Greece. They were all about life not making sense, not being fair. Medea murders her kids but is saved by the gods. Jason started the drama and he loses everything. The gods are capricious and justice isn’t real. And either way, all humans end up in Hades after death. 

Hannah: And what does justice even mean in a culture where women were property and a king can just say hey, ruin your wife’s life, ditch her and marry my daughter instead?

Dr Lahoe (trying to herd cats, again): And we will discuss all of that much further when we return. 10 minute break! Bathrooms are off stage right, vaping must happen outside, and it will kill you so just say no to drugs. See you in a hard 10. 

(Cast disperses).